{ JOY }

My thoughts on marriage.

A few months ago while she was in town, one of my mother's good friends took the time to pull me aside and tell me how proud she was of McKay and I. She told me she was impressed with how we were making ends meet--despite being full-time students with part-time jobs. She said everyone doubted we would succeed, but we proved everyone wrong.

Then, a month later while talking on the phone, my mom said they (her and my dad) were proud of us. For a few minutes she talked about how she doesn't worry much about McKay and I, because we have made good decisions. In a not so direct way, she told me that we had surpassed her expectations.

Not many people know what our wedding was really like. Yes, there was family and friends, a beautiful temple, a dress, and presents. But I'll tell you what there wasn't: approval. People looked at our ages and judged us. McKay was 23 and I was 19. We'd met earlier that year hiking in Moab, Utah with mutual friends and 7 months later we were engaged.

The most difficult thing about getting married young was everyone else's reactions:

"You barely know him!"

"But you're only 19, that's WAY too young."

"Once you're married you pay everything yourself, you'll have no money."  ->It's called a budget.

"You should date more before making such a big decision."

"You'll regret not living up your single years."  ->Really? Are you sure? Cause now I have a built in best friend and EVERYTHING I do with him is fun.

I received a lot of negative comments from people--even on the day of the wedding. Especially on the day of the wedding. I tried to rush through that whole day--I just wanted it to be over so people would stop berating my choices. *I want to make it clear that I am absolutely fine today*, but during our engagement I cried everyday. Getting married when the people closest to me did not support my decision was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I knew McKay was the man I was going to spend eternity with. I knew it was him. But all my life my parents had made decisions for me; and their approval had been a way to confirm what I felt through the Spirit. I never imagined I'd be in the position I was. But I took all the hurtful words and pushed them aside, because I knew I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. Despite all the pain and tears, I went through with it. And you know what? I have yet to make a better decision than that one.

Now, I didn't conduct myself all that well during our engagement, either. I was nervous and really struggling with confidence in myself at the time, and I certainly didn't treat others as well as I should've. My communication to those I loved was poor, and I regret not expressing myself honestly. I understand now that everyone who opposed our marriage had their separate reasons, and my stand off-ish attitude at the time only helped perpetuate their feelings. I certainly wasn't exempt from the judging, I found myself judging others because they had judged me, and I quickly learned that was a mistake. I didn't go about getting married in the easiest or most convenient way. I apologize to any of whom I treated poorly during that time in my life, the experience truly helped me grow and mature in a way I didn't even know I needed.

It doesn't matter that I was "too young", or that I didn't "date around enough", or that I "won't be able to live up my early twenties" (which is a ridiculous argument, by the way.) I've come to realize that my age in no way reflects my ability to receive personal revelation from my Heavenly Father. I was fully aware of the choice I was making, while others saw to it to tell me that I wasn't.

McKay and I have learned that used furniture is a bargain, and second hand clothing is where it's at. We've learned that if all else fails, 7-layer dip for dinner is a viable option. I know he'll kill all the bugs, he know's that I'll do the grocery shopping. I've learned that I'm really bad at closing the microwave after heating something up and McKay's learned that if you rub one foot you've got to rub the other.

Whoever said getting married young would mean I was "missing out" was wrong.

Our marriage rocks.

Our relationship rocks.

My life rocks.

I mean, seriously, look at my life, it's fantastic:

We've been on lots of dates:

[caption id="attachment_570" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Free Fro-Yo[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_571" align="aligncenter" width="225"] Ice Skating[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_572" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Stewart Falls[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_574" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Silly string attack[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_575" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Halloween[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_582" align="aligncenter" width="224"] Romantic Birthday Dinner[/caption]

 

We've been to lots of places:

(With a trip to Brazil planned for this Christmas!)

[caption id="attachment_585" align="aligncenter" width="300"] California Beach[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_584" align="aligncenter" width="300"] San Francisco[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_586" align="aligncenter" width="224"] Disney World![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_581" align="aligncenter" width="200"] Hiking the Narrows[/caption]

And we've tried plenty of new things:

[caption id="attachment_583" align="aligncenter" width="300"] McKays first time snowboarding[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_579" align="aligncenter" width="300"] SKYDIVING[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_578" align="aligncenter" width="225"] My first time shooting[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_576" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Planting our first garden![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_217" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Donating Plasma[/caption] 

[caption id="attachment_577" align="aligncenter" width="300"] We've joined water polo, softball, kickball, and football teams[/caption]

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxBLKSoeV7s&feature=youtu.be[/embed]

To all you getting-married-young naysayers, I want to say: You don't want others to rebuke your choices, so don't rebuke mine. (actually what I really want to say is: SUCKS FOR YOU cause my life is awesome. But, I'm a lady.) I've grown into who I am with my husband by my side. And I will continue to grow into the woman the Lord wants me to be--with my husband by my side.

#MarriedYoungIsMoreFun

Oh, so that's what I've missed out on....

I came across this article: 23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged when you're 23, and could not believe what I was reading.

I laughed! Out loud. And scoffed and rolled my eyes and snorted from disbelief.

And because I'm feeling especially snarky today and particularly proud of my marriage, I must add my commentary to this article.

 

23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged when you're 23

1. Get a passport. Wait. Can a married person not get a passport anymore?! I just renewed my passport. Did I just do something illegal?? I'll probably go to prison now, great. Looks like we won't be going to Brazil this December like we planned, darn you marriage! Now I can't travel internationally, grrrr.

2. Find your "thing." Really. Can you only "find your 'thing'" once you're 23? I didn't know it was a coming of age sort of deal. Does that mean gymnastics and coaching are no longer "my thing"? What about the "thing's" I've found while married? Like gardening and hiking and sex? I enjoy all those "things".

4. Adopt a pet. But what if my complex doesn't allow pets? So now I have to move. Also, what if I'm allergic? No, a naked mole rat or hairless cat are NOT an option.

5. Start a band. You don't want to hear me sing. I promise. But I can play the piano so maybe we wouldn't be too shabby...

6. Make a cake. If only I had baked a cake while single... now I'll never get to since I'm married. Woe is me.

7. Get a tattoo. It's more permanent than a marriage. My marriage is eternal, so sorry to bust your bubble but it's totally more permanent that your tattoos. Besides, I'm more of a temporary tattoo kind of girl.

8. Explore a new religion. There's always more to learn in my religion, so I'd rather continue to explore mine. Studying other religions is very fascinating and enlightening though, so I'll give you that.

9. Start a small business. My future consists of personal training and possibly massage, so owning my own business is right up my alley.

10. Cut your hair. Oh no I got married so now I can't cut my hair anymore! I better find a friend who can replicate that Rapunzel braid, cause I'm gonna need it.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. Why are you encouraging people to emotionally damage others? I'm sure if you found out your boyfriend was chea-- ahem. I mean "Dating two people at once" you wouldn't pat him on the back and say, "oh I understand! I'm glad you saw my list on how to live it up when you're 23 instead of getting married."

12. Build something with your hands. Luckily my siblings and I were very involved with Home Depot's Free Kid's Workshops. I've made all sorts of things!

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. Been there, done that. And I've done dozens more since I got married, thank you.

14. Join the Peace Corps. Those who do are held in great respect, but why not double the fun and have you AND your spouse join? Then you're BOTH admirable.

15. Disappoint your parents. That what your teenage years are for.

16. Watch Girls, over and over again. Not my kind of entertainment. I'm more of a Bones, NCIS, Doctor Who kind of girl.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. The Personal Trainer side of me is cringing, but only because I am not only capable of doing so, but willing to as well.

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. I do that naturally, it's called my "personality".

19. Sign up for CrossFit. ABSOLUTELY NOT. CrossFit is one of the worst ways to get in shape, and one of the best ways to injure yourself. Check out what Erin Simmons, who has a Masters and is currently working on her PhD, has to say about CrossFit.

20. Hangout naked in front of a window. This was a normal thing for me, in fact, running around outside completely naked was a regular activity...when I was 2. Not anymore, sorry.

21. Write your feelings down in a blog. That is exactly what I am doing right now. One step ahead of ya, sister.

22. Be selfish. Oh look! You just so happened to list the reason people a) Don't get married and b) Marriages fail.

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. One question, can I bring my husband along??

You Know Where You're Going

"You know where you're going."

Those words hit me smack in the face during class today. And then I promptly zoned out (sorry professor) to review and reflect where I am and where I'm going.

Yes, I DO know where I'm going. And I DO know where I want to be going. The answer to where I'm going and where I want to be going should always be the same, but it's not always like that. What I realized amid all my pondering today was that there is only one thing that can cause the answer to those questions to be different from each other, and that one thing is action. I have many goals for where I want to end up and what I want to accomplish, but I won't reach a single one unless I know what to do to get there, then do it.

I know I want to graduate from BYU.

In order to do so, I must prioritize, study hard, and do well.

I know I want to coach gymnastics as my career.

Well, I'm going to have to put myself out there and actively work my way up the job ladder. And getting a degree certainly will help me along.

I know I want to be a mother one day.

We all know how that one's going to happen.

I want to be a great wife to my husband, and one day a great mother to my kids.

I'll need to work on my patience, that's for sure. but I'll also have to learn to focus on the millions of beautiful things, rather than on the few dozen damper things.

I know I want to an active, serving member of my church and my community.

That will take some volunteer work and some effort.

I know, most of all, that I want to live with my Heavenly Father in the Celestial Kingdom after this life.

I will need to be taking constant action, to make sure that I am always one step ahead of Satan and am strong enough to resist the worldly tendencies and habits that I have previously fallen into so easily.

The outcome of my life depends on my actions. I love this snippet from President David O. McKay's talks in Conference many years ago:

[gallery type="rectangular" ids="243"]

I may not tell of myself by the things I play on my phonograph (boy, does that date this quote...) But maybe more like the things I play on my iPod. Anyways, to accomplish the goals I have, I have to strive to act like, and be the person that I want to be. Because that person is the one who will achieve all those goals (and many more). When applied to the same situation, I want to answers to both, "Where are you going?" and "Where do you want to go?" to be the same.