It's amazing how the Lord works, really. McKay and I have been incredibly blessed. Honestly, they're the typical blessings that a young BYU couple experiences at about this time in their lives. Blessing such as, despite both being in school, you're out of debt, you both have jobs in this economy, free things virtually everywhere, etc. With what we heard about from our parents, most young married students feel very very blessed in their finances (thanks FAFSA!) So these are all wonderful blessings, but the thing that truly amazes me is how specific and personalized a seemingly general blessing can get.
This is my first touchy-feely blog post, bear with me. The first Sunday of every month is Fast and Testimony Meeting. Which is where I can conclude that yes, many young married students feel financially blessed. Anyways, bearing my testimony is rare. The last time I bore my testimony I was asked (*cough* told) to. Since I was an older youth, a leader asked me to bear my testimony first to get the meeting going during Youth Conference. I was mortified, and I'm pretty sure I sounded like a squeaky, 7 year old primary girl because I was so nervous. That was probably 3 or so years ago. And wow it is shameful to realize that it has been even longer than that since I've voluntarily shared my testimony. If during a meeting the thought crosses my mind to go up and share my testimony, immediately my stomach gets queasy and my mind goes blank, the only thing I can think about is how I can't think of anything. Example number one of my fear of public speaking: Once, McKay played a seemingly harmless joke on me, while up preparing the Sacrament he mouthed that we had been assigned to give a talk the next week. I was mortified, and immediately felt like throwing up. A few minutes later, McKay joined me I started to lightly cry right there in the pew from fear. McKay had no idea what was happening! He though I had understood his joke, but if he mouthed something after "Talk. Next week." I certainly hadn't caught it. Even after it was clear he was completely joking, I couldn't stop crying! Ugh, just another one of those girl problems I have.
I shouldn't have labeled that story as "example number one" because actually that's the only one I can think of right now. But here's where the Lord's tender mercy came to play. He knows my fear of public speaking, especially when it comes to my feelings. He knows how quickly I can over think the simplest task resulting in making myself sick. I work at BYU Independent Study and many students come to our office to take tests. The other day we had a missionary companionship come in, one took a Book of Mormon final while the other waited in our lobby. The elder waiting in the lobby (I wish I remembered his name) walked up to the desk to chat. We got talking about how each one of us in the room spoke a different language. We had Korean, Spanish, Portuguese, and French (seriously BYU is sooo cool). He asked to bear his testimony in Swedish, the language he was learning in the MTC. It was lovely, although I had no clue what he was saying haha. As I listened, I noted how happy I was to be there to give this missionary an opportunity to grow. When he finished he turned to me as said "Your turn, in Portuguese". I was completely surprised and taken off guard, not given anytime to even start to freak myself out. So, I did. And it felt wonderful! Granted, it was way less nerve wracking because nobody in the room spoke Portuguese. I didn't realize until after I spoke about my eternal marriage, that this was the first time I'd ever been able to express how important it is to me. And what a blessing it is! Marrying McKay was a great idea, but marrying him in the Temple was the absolute best idea. I get to spend the rest of my life and beyond with the man I love more that I ever thought possible. I love him, and we both love the Lord most of all. These last 9 months of my life have been the best time of my life, and with him by my side, I know that things will only get better and better.
I want to truly try and overcome my fear of public speaking. I'm probably not going to bound up to the podium next Fast Sunday, but maybe I'll volunteer more in Relief Society or share my thoughts in Sunday School. Baby steps.
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